Three decades... a lot can happen in that span of what we perceive as "time"...

Physically, I feel fine - there have been concerns over misbehaving moles and fluctuation in weight and eyesight... Other than that, my hair has remained in place and in color, all internal devices appear to be doing their "job" consistently, and for the first time (ever!) I can run... I never ran in P.E. class, nor when training for marching, and college or grad school? forget about it! But the recent passing of a beloved relative and the not-so recent advent of my son has literally kicked me into gear... so, I run now. I haven't touched caffeine in months and I'm weening myself off refined sugar and sodium... Is this an attempt at immortality? No... but I suspect that decades of soda, fast food and a sedentary lifestyle might have devastating consequence - ergo, the emphasis on physical maintenance. Plus, I suppose it will soon be time to visit the physician more often - I'm not looking forward to getting his "thumbs-up" though...

Emotionally, my family really sets the tone... It seems that ups and downs are dictated by those with whom I share my life and living space. I can't claim to truly, deeply care about anything else though. I still don't get the "emotive" response to art thing - never have, probably never will. Art may be for expression, but I really don't have much to express or say.
Every now and then, music sends tingles down my spine and limbs - I miss playing, but not badly enough to spend the time to do so... I suppose that's the expression and manifestation of not caring.

I came to realize over the past five years that I can't really point to anyone anymore and name them as a "friend" - at least not in the traditional sense, anyways. I didn't "keep up" with anyone after any graduation at any time ever... I don't "do" MySpace or Facebook, so... I couldn't tell you a thing about anyone from my past right now... And the most bizarre thing: I am at peace with this notion. I suppose I always have been. I don't really know anyone (Hell, I wonder if I know myself...) but then again, no one knows me (save a small contingent of familial relations...) It gives me a lot of time to engage in my extraordinary and strange job, and I suppose a certain anonymous "freedom". I maintain very few social and emotive obligations these days, and I kind of like it that way. I am indebted to those I love and care about, and I believe that sense is reciprocated.

In terms of philosophy and ethos, I still see no reason or cause to believe in anything beyond myself and my family... possibly my co-workers, but that's a different paragraph... Despite a remarkable number of coincidences and the complexity of the universe, I see no grand plan or design - it's random - nothing happens for a reason - you have nothing to believe or control in but yourself. I'm a damn skeptical cynic and pretty proud of it!

I make money these days... a lot in my estimation. Sure, my family and I still rent and we maintain only one vehicle, but we don't spend on luxuries, per se... Hell, we still have a tube TV and wouldn't know a DVR from a BluRay player... but I'm gainfully employed, doing something I love in a position where I seem to make people happy. That, to me, means more than a car or plasma set. I would like to work on a Mac at home soon though...
I also wish that the public sector would quit bitchin' about the so-called economy. Are schools and hospitals and police and fire really that connected to Wall Street? Why are school districts terminating employees because of financial and real estate speculation? Aside from my wife not being re-hired within the school district (due of course to fear and financial panic...)we're not really "feeling" this so-called depression... and skeptic that I am, I don't buy it. If you lost money or financial ground in this "crisis", I'm sorry - but that's the risk of speculation. Be there a next time, choose where your faith lies a little more carefully.

So, another year, another decade... still not making "art", gypsy or otherwise - probably won't for some time... But my job (if such a fun and engaging activity can be debased with such a label) keeps me drawing on a daily basis. I will continue to slowly release older images - maybe eventually getting to the crap I had to make in the MFA program...

Here's to me at 30...

-G